Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling satisfied with myself as I began discussing in my last post. Part of this is a struggle to do things I enjoy—even identifying those things. I feel guilty when I cut back on work and instead do things that make me happy. But work makes me happier when I’m feeling better about life in general.
I brought my same bad habits to my new work. I’ve been tutoring online and in person since the summer, because I wanted to have some way to contribute to household expenses as well as have purposeful work to do each day.
It’s rare for me to have an anxiety or OCD crisis nowadays. I see my therapist regularly. I have a medication regime that on the whole is working. I have changed a lot of things in my life to support my mental health. All of these things keep me fairly on an even keel.
How My Chronic Conditions Affected My Wedding Planning
Thank you everyone for your patience as I post irregularly when I do post. I’ve been experiencing a lot of disruption to my schedule that has been good, but also taken up all of my energy and time.
This evening at dinner my partner and I were talking about our families. My mother had helped my brother move and she struggled helping him because he wouldn’t get rid of anything. I commented that my mom was always a bit of a hoarder and if she thought something was trash and needed tossing, then it really did.
I realized after I said that, that I used hoarder casually the way a lot of people use OCD, anxiety, depression, bulimia, germophobia, and other real, serious mental illnesses. And often we do it unconsciously—we’re not thinking about the word or what it might mean to people who might hear us.