Lately, I’ve been beyond exhausted. Fatigue, exhaustion, and tired: nothing seems to cover how worn out I actually feel. I’ve had almost all of my IV iron treatments and I still feel wrung out like an old washcloth. I know it is normal for some people not to feel better until all of the treatments are finished. But it’s hard to know that intellectually and emotionally. Emotionally I’m impatient and frustrated.
Anxiety doesn’t always have a trigger. Sometimes it’s clear to me why I feel anxious: I am waiting on test results or about to meet with a new client. Sometimes, I find that my anxiety is triggered by alcohol or caffeine. I can often pinpoint something that’s making me anxious. I can say to myself: if I resolve this issue or once I get this information or if I avoid caffeine, I’ll be fine and relaxed.
Over the years, I have developed my own morning and evening routines, based on what I need and want to do. I do not try to do what other people need or want to do in these routines anymore.
For months I’ve been dealing with what the doctor referred to as vague symptoms, fatigue, sweats, headaches, numbness, and so forth. In a puzzle working backward from the symptoms, first, my doctor’s figured out that I have consistently really high platelet counts. This could signify any number of things. To figure out what was causing it, they then continued to test and discovered I have a really low iron count.
There’s a lot of discussion in the world about “if you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never do it” or “don’t wait until you’re ready, the world is at the end of your comfort zone.” For many people “ready” seems like a dirty word. It’s an excuse or a limit to what you can do, a crutch. But crutches exist for a reason—to help you walk when you’re injured.