Does it (always) make sense to take anxiety medicine when the world is truly an anxious place and anxiety is a proper response to some of the things that happen? Waking up today to learn that there was another mass shooting in a random place in the US on the same day makes me want to never leave the house.
This is not the first time I’ve said it and it probably won’t be the last. I am tired of being tired, especially now that I know that there is a physical reason that I feel tired and headachey all the time, but not the underlying cause. Now that I know this much, I want to know what’s causing it. I’m waiting for my specialist appointment. As anyone who’s ever had more than the flu knows, it takes a while to see a specialist and get answers to what’s going on and how to treat it. Instead, I just have to wait and wait and wait. And try not to worry at the same time.
I love to travel but there are so many moving parts and elements that I cannot control. I worry about forgetting something. This is magnified a thousand-fold when traveling, because if I forgot something I can’t just go back for it later or get it in a few hours. I start to catastrophize—like what will I do if I forget my medication? Or what if I forgot to turn off the oven and my place burns down while I’m gone?
I don’t think it’s an accident that I started showing signs of OCD in my early preteen years, right around the time I entered middle school and started wearing a back brace part of the day, in addition to the nights, to correct my crooked spine.
I was afraid of other illnesses and accidents happening to me or my family. I worried that if I didn’t knock on wood (a casual superstition to many people), that I could cause bad things to happen to my loved ones. Continue reading “My Need for Reassurance Was A Source of Shame But Is Now a Source of Connection: Here is How”