Lately, I’ve been beyond exhausted. Fatigue, exhaustion, and tired: nothing seems to cover how worn out I actually feel. I’ve had almost all of my IV iron treatments and I still feel wrung out like an old washcloth. I know it is normal for some people not to feel better until all of the treatments are finished. But it’s hard to know that intellectually and emotionally. Emotionally I’m impatient and frustrated.
Anxiety doesn’t always have a trigger. Sometimes it’s clear to me why I feel anxious: I am waiting on test results or about to meet with a new client. Sometimes, I find that my anxiety is triggered by alcohol or caffeine. I can often pinpoint something that’s making me anxious. I can say to myself: if I resolve this issue or once I get this information or if I avoid caffeine, I’ll be fine and relaxed.
I’ve had insomnia since I can remember. I love to sleep, but it takes me forever to fall asleep and I wake up at least once a night usually for an hour or more. I’ve struggled so much with my sleep because it directly affects my health—my back, anxiety, migraines, etc. Everything is worse when I don’t sleep and it makes it more likely I’ll have flare-ups.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written. I’ve been going through a stressful time health wise (what else is new?), and I haven’t been able to focus. I’ve had fun new symptoms like horrible night sweats almost every night. It’s not glamorous or fun. In fact, I’ve been feeling a bit ashamed by these sweats, despite knowing that they are fairly common. So now I’m trying to be a bit more open about this common symptom that a lot of people have to deal with (so much so that I found pajamas advertised specifically for night sweats…that help a little).
I often feel like an expert in being chronically ill. I know how to look up doctors on my insurance company’s website. I know to ask if they cover me just in case when I make an appointment. I know to ask if the tests are covered as well when they suggest something. I know how many physicals and dental check-ups I get a year and I know what out of network versus in network means. I know how to get reimbursed for out of pocket expenses. I know what an FSA is. I know I can ask my pharmacist if the medications I take could have dangerous interactions.