Lately, I’ve been beyond exhausted. Fatigue, exhaustion, and tired: nothing seems to cover how worn out I actually feel. I’ve had almost all of my IV iron treatments and I still feel wrung out like an old washcloth. I know it is normal for some people not to feel better until all of the treatments are finished. But it’s hard to know that intellectually and emotionally. Emotionally I’m impatient and frustrated.
Anxiety doesn’t always have a trigger. Sometimes it’s clear to me why I feel anxious: I am waiting on test results or about to meet with a new client. Sometimes, I find that my anxiety is triggered by alcohol or caffeine. I can often pinpoint something that’s making me anxious. I can say to myself: if I resolve this issue or once I get this information or if I avoid caffeine, I’ll be fine and relaxed.
Over the years, I have developed my own morning and evening routines, based on what I need and want to do. I do not try to do what other people need or want to do in these routines anymore.
This is not the first time I’ve said it and it probably won’t be the last. I am tired of being tired, especially now that I know that there is a physical reason that I feel tired and headachey all the time, but not the underlying cause. Now that I know this much, I want to know what’s causing it. I’m waiting for my specialist appointment. As anyone who’s ever had more than the flu knows, it takes a while to see a specialist and get answers to what’s going on and how to treat it. Instead, I just have to wait and wait and wait. And try not to worry at the same time.
There’s a lot of discussion in the world about “if you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never do it” or “don’t wait until you’re ready, the world is at the end of your comfort zone.” For many people “ready” seems like a dirty word. It’s an excuse or a limit to what you can do, a crutch. But crutches exist for a reason—to help you walk when you’re injured.